MATHEMATICS of ROMANCE

• Smart man + smart woman = romance

• Smart man + dumb woman = affair

• Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

• Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

• Smart boss + smart employee = profit

• Smart boss + dumb employee = production

• Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

• Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

MATHEMATICS of SHOPPING

• A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

• To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

• To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

• Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

• A woman has the last word in any argument.

• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED