A letter from Grandma

Dear Son
Did you know that we old folk are worth a fortune? We have Silver in our hair and Gold in our teeth; stones in our kidneys; lead in our feet and gas in our stomachs.
Since you last saw me, I have become a little older and, a few changes have come in to my life. Frankly I have become a frivolous old woman!!!!

At the moment I am seeing nine gentlemen a day! As soon as I wake up; Will Power helps me to get out of bed then, I then get acquainted with a Jimmy Riddle, and then it is time for breakfast with Mr Kellogg, followed closely by the refreshing company of Mr Tetley or; my other friend, who I only know by his initials – PG. Some times I have a flirtation with the suave Mr Brook Bond.

Then comes someone that I do not like at all – Arthur Itis, he knows he is not welcome but, insists on being here, and what is more, he stays for the rest of the day. Even then; he does not like to stay in one place, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a hectic day I am glad to go to bed with a Johnny Walker. It is such a hectic life.

Oh, yes, I am now also flirting with Al Zheimer!
The vicar came to visit the other day and said that at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. So I told him; that I did that all the time. For no matter where I am, in the garden, the bedroom, the kitchen, I ask myself, “What am I here after?”

Well, I shall close now and hope that Will Power is your constant companion and John Courage keeps your spirits up in the NAAFI, but I must admit, too much of him and I wake up with a headache. And, make sure that his friend Emma Royds; does not creep up on you from behind!! She can be a real pain in the, ‘you know where’?

Oh; by the way, I have decided that it is time for me to settle down with someone that there is no getting away from; that crafty old devil, Gerry Atric.

Take Care and
See you soon

Mam