Farmer wants a Divorce.

Solicitor: “May I help you?”
Farmer: “Yes, I want to get one of them dee-vorces.”
Solicitor: “Do you have any grounds?”
Farmer: “Yes, I got about 140 acres.”
Solicitor: “No, I mean, do you have a case?”
Farmer: “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
Solicitor: “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”
Farmer: “Yes I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”
Solicitor: “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?”
Farmer: “Yes, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."
Frustrated Solicitor: “No, you don’t understand, does your wife beat you up or anything?”
Farmer: “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the solicitor said: “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
Farmer: “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with the woman.

Dai Bando and the DWP

Dai Bando had a small holding up in the hills, just outside Welshpool.

The Department of Work & Pension (DWP) claimed he was not paying the correct wages to his staff and sent one of their pompous, megalomaniac representative out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the DWP rep.

'Well,' replied Dai Bando, 'There's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him £280 a week, plus free room and board.'

'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her £200 per week, plus free room and board.'

'Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about £10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the one,- that’s the one I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the DWP rep.

' Well boy’o, that would be me,' replied Dai Bando.